Good Times

So I almost got into a Friday the 13th bar fight last night, but thankfully (for the other fool) the bouncer broke it up.

This dickweed wanted to play me a game of pool. It was his idea to bet a brew on it. You know I’m down.

So I run it and he makes I think only one ball. He’s all like, double or nothing! But not with a happy exclamation, more of an accusatory and pissed off sort.

I’m like ‘Sure I’ll play you again, but first get me that beer.’ I had just downed the rest of my Outlaw Ale and it was delicious and my thirst could not be stopped, not by this 5’7 ass anyway.

Of course he then tells me he’s broke.

So I say, “Get the fuck out of here, I know your not broke.” It was pure instinct and I called Bullshit.

He takes offense of course, and gets pissed. He was already slurring a few palabs. He asks me all tough-like, “What did you just say?”

“Get the fuck outta here, you’re not broke.”

Anyway, long story short, he does have dough and he pulls out a small wad of cash and throws it on the table.

“You’re right, I’m not fucking broke. I got money man.”


Needless to say, I don’t play him again and I ask for another Outlaw and he gets me a PBR. No problem, I drink PBR and I enjoyed it and ran the table for about another six games.

Late in the night (he’s been lurking and talking shit through my whole improbable run) he gets in my face again and starts asking me where I’m from and all this random shit, but not in a socially curious way, more of in the way, how dare you act like you’re tough shit way.

He gives a slight slap to my head. I step up.

He does it again, this time with malice.

I fuckin shove him. Pretty hard and he stumbles into the bar stools against the wall. He comes back and gets really close again (he really liked me).

And like Tom Petty, I won’t back down: “Slap my head again and I’m gonna fucking knock you out…bro.”

The bro part pissed him off. Yes! I got another smart ass comment to escalate the situation.

He pretends he didn’t understand what I said so I say “Hit me again, go a head shorty.”

Hey, at least I didn’t call him ‘boo’ or some shit.

Anyway we do the whole macho eye stare down and that was about all we had the chance to do before the bouncer stepped in.

I had to fuckin laugh, and so were most of the people around us because they all saw this diminutive shorty wanna be cholo mofo all drunk and being the ass.

They threw his dumb ass out and gave me a warning. I gave him a wave goodbye and got myself another Outlaw.


~ by garcialoca on February 14, 2009.

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